Beta Testing

There’s a little discussion over at the cockfighting pit about what it means to be an “Alpha male.” Normally I’m too insecure and fragile-minded to engage such topics as what it means to be an Alpha male. However, the sociological definitions are compelling for their dramatic qualities.

Alphas are said to be decisive and willing to accept responsibility for their decisions. Betas are said to be obsessed with conflict resolution and insecurity about not being Alpha enough. Gammas are said to be anonymous, passive-aggressive technophiles who avoid responsibility for their lives.

Hold on there…it sounds like the whole Internet is populated by Gammas! I’ll bet they dream about one day being selected by some secret rebel organization to lead the fight against the Alpha computers that actually rule the world, fighting against inhuman g-men with superior technical knowledge and intuitive game-playing reflexes. Hey, maybe I could make a movie about that and call it The Matrix.

I’ll bet there’s a blog somewhere out there talking about this issue…maybe I should search on the term “Alpha male” to see who qualifies. D’ya think it would be the guy going around calling himself an “Alpha male” on a blog? Yeah, that’s taking responsibility. More likely, anyone calling himself “Alpha male” is kind of insecure that maybe everyone else won’t figure it out unless he tells them up front.

If instead of doing something in person about a problem, you go online and blog about it anonymously, how open and direct is that? Sure, all the other gammas know your opinion, but there’s no personal responsibility there.

Maybe they’d prefer to just let the pack females decide who’s Alpha male. After all, they generally home in on the most important qualities, right?

If y’all really want to know whether you are an “Alpha,” try teaching the Bible to a bunch of rowdy fourth-graders. If you end up screaming at them or trying to negotiate with them or running out of the room, you lose. You’d better go back to your nice, safe bar with a bunch of desperate, half-conscious drunks who will massage your wounded ego.

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Instigate some pointless rambling

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