Steffie Greenapple and emerod casually bumped into each other again at Starbucks. While Steffie alternately talked on her cellphone and ordered a double Siberian espresso with hazelnut creme, emerod took his chai tea and sat down with a copy of the Utne Reader.
“No way he can do that and get away with it! Come on, girl…” Steffie always had to help her friends manage their private lives. She sat down with her coffee and proceeded to lay out a plan for Heather to recover her lost dignity and independence. It seemed to emerod that the plan mainly involved feigning disinterest while acting alluring, then sleeping with some other man until Heather’s love interest got frustrated enough to call Steffie for advice, at which point Steffie would be able to straighten him out.
Steffie snapped the cellphone shut and shoved it into her purse. “I swear that girl will never get it,” she sighed. emerod looked up from the Utne and raised his eyebrows.
“I mean, it’s like she just wants to wreck everything, like she’s some kind of loser dumping ground. Her love life is like a toxic waste dump.”
“And you’re the EPA?”
“No, I’m more like the United Nations, trying to solve this stupid problem caused by some giant corporation that’s dumping stuff in a pristine wilderness.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Heather’s pristine wildness, only its corrupted form.”
Steffie sipped her coffee thoughtfully.