Definitions

Alpha Strategy SystemA charming blend of manipulation, sadism, and self-righteousness, sold to insecure lounge lizards as a sure-fire method of establishing a patriarchal fiefdom that includes drunken male sycophants and teenaged girls wearing bunny ears.

Atheist—Anyone who denies the existence of his enemy’s god. Whereas a theist seeks to focus his mind only on the will of his god, an atheist seeks to have one less thought.

Conservative Delusion—The belief that money purifies all motives. Conservatives are susceptible to this delusion if they have no principles, but only knee-jerk reactions to buzzwords like socialism, rationing, bureaucrat, and free. The deluded conservatives have no problem with any authoritarian, collectivist, anti-libertarian, anti-individualist, cost-shifting, blame-shifting, atheistic, immoral, unethical, idealistic system, as long as they have to pay a corporate executive for the privilege of using it. Somehow, no matter how worthless the system is, no matter how irrational the business plan is, no matter how intangible the product is, no matter how preposterous the promises are, no matter how ambiguous the revenue source is, if someone else makes money off of it, they will trust that person with all their money and give up all their civil rights.

Darwinism—The belief that Charles Darwin (1809-1882), through his writings or his ideas, is responsible for twentieth-century secular humanism, scientific materialism, and atheistic naturalism. Some True Believers consider this to be a good thing and some consider it to be a bad thing, but they all have an idolatrous, superstitious faith in the awesome power of Darwin’s magical ideas. Darwinism is not to be confused with the Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection (TENS), the Theory of Common Descent (TCD), or the Modern Synthesis.

Flying Theocracy Monster—An imaginary creature that haunts the nightmares of neurotic liberal atheists in the United States. Reports of its sightings are often accompanied by elaborate stories of the extreme measures taken by victims to eradicate its image from their minds, such as attending all-night encounter sessions with atheist support groups or role-playing as a diplomat from a socialistic European country.

Galtism—Also known as “going John Galt.” A collectivist fantasy favored by impotent, oppressed middle-class trolls (Galtistas) who are completely dependent on society for all their needs. In this scheme, the Galtistas stage a series of mass demonstrations in order to extort ever greater rewards from their government sugar daddy, usually in the form of subsidies for failing businesses, regional development projects, bloated defense contracts, or direct reparations payments to the victimized class.

Leviathan—The State as embodiment of the will of the people, and thereby empowered to exercise sovereign control over every individual within its jurisdiction. Leviathan is worshiped by both “liberals” and “conservatives.” When someone’ s primary motive is maximizing profits or personal authority, instead of maximizing personal virtue, they become obsessed with manipulating others with the power of the State. They covet that power and they idolize the government because they think it will give them everything they want.

Liberal Delusion—The belief that everyone is naturally good, but some are misguided. The misguided ones must be re-educated, by force if necessary, since their refusal to become enlightened cannot be tolerated. Children are a special concern of the deluded liberal, so they must be assimilated to the collective at birth.

News Cocoon—A wonderfully warm and fuzzy, all-enveloping swarm of news stories that confirm your worldview and positive self-image. Atheists hope for news that hierarchical political systems always fail, that religious people can be immoral, and that there is suffering in the world that can be blamed on religious people. Phony conservatives hope for news that populist political systems always fail, that secular people can be immoral, and that there is suffering in the world that can be blamed on liberals. And so it goes on spinning around and around, since all political systems fail, all people can be immoral, and there is always suffering in the world.

Political animal—A person who denies that he has the normal human capacity for free will, self-awareness, and moral discretion, due to his belief that his personal political ideology is natural, instinctive, and irrevocable. Typically, the political animal chooses not to think at all, and instead slavishly follows a herd of political animals that he superficially identifies with. The political animal was called “The True Believer” by Eric Hoffer.

Reason Fairy—The personification of a natural force which magically endows only those who love True Science with complete understanding of a subject, including undiscovered empirical data and unobservable, complex processes.

Vote Voodoo—The superstitious belief that the choice of how to vote in a single presidential election has a massive existential significance, because every single vote out of 122 million is “a matter of life and death.” The Vote Voodoo practitioner believes in a form of sympathetic magic, in which poking a button on a voting machine calls up tremendous cosmic powers that shape the history of the universe. Vote Voodoo has no actual effect other than to make the practitioner more obsessed next time with making their choice line up with what 60 million other people might choose, so that they can convince themselves that their vote “really matters this time.”

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4 thoughts on “Definitions

  1. Atheist—Anyone who denies the existence of his enemy’s god.

    Do you deny the existence of Thor? Zeus? Vishnu?

    Darwinism—The belief that Charles Darwin (1809-1882), through his writings or his ideas, is responsible for twentieth-century secular humanism, scientific materialism, and atheistic naturalism.

    It’s a false and silly belief, but it appears to be yours.

    Political animal—A person who denies that he has the normal human capacity for free will, self-awareness, and moral discretion, due to his belief that his personal political ideology is natural, instinctive, and irrevocable.

    Three for three! Congragulations.

  2. 1. I don’t know any pagans personally, although I have had online pagan correspondents. I have never confronted them about their beliefs, but I also did not consider them enemies.

    2. Darwin is not responsible for secular humanism, scientific materialism, or atheistic naturalism. All of them predate Darwin, and Darwin could not possibly have caused even the twentieth-century manifestations.

    3. My personal political beliefs are freely chosen and not at all natural, instinctive, and irrevocable. I was raised as an atheist liberal Democrat, but I am not now. In the future, I will likely change my political beliefs again. That is why it is fundamentally stupid to place any faith in politics.

  3. Pingback: Touch the Sky « Brainbiter

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